DECEMBER

Ok. So I'm a member of a gym, complimentary membership, so you'd assume I'm hard at it training my little socks off...well...I have been there, it's lovely. Just the one time though, and here's what happened....

So, Tanya and I rocked up to 'theclub' in our lycra gym bunny gear and water bottles, ready for a good work out. The first thing they did on our arrival was take a snap of us (I'm not sure if this is some king of pre- and post-training "look how fat you were" excercise but I consoled myself by pretending it was the paparazzi after me following my debut on BBC Radio Somerset darling.)

How excited we were when - shock, horror - they handed us our membership tags and just turned us loose in 'theclub'!! Well, me being nosey by nature, I tried every door handle in the building to have a good nose around, even the ones that have "NO ENTRY" clearly written on them. I just couldn't help myself.

We wandered around for about half an hour and found the sun bed and about 40 women belly-dancing to some lovely Algerian beats. They were very surprised to see my nose pressed up against the glass on the door while they jiggled and sashayed around. (Point to note: never ask me to feed your cats when you go on holiday as I'll be through the house like a dose of salts)

When we found the changing room I managed to squeeze into my bikini and we decided to hit the pool (well you didn't think I was going to the gym to actually go to the gym and work out did you?)

The whole wet area at 'theclub' is lovely, so plush and luxurious, I felt like Cleopatra walking into her milky bath as I descended the steps ... into the MENS CHANGING ROOM!

Arrrgghh, I was so busy having a nose around that I completely missed the sign outside and just wandered into a mosh pit of sweaty half-dressed men, who, to be fair, looked more horrified than me. Arrgghh, I went. Arrgghh they went. And I legged it back out, trying to muster as much dignity as is possible in a white bikini, to find Tanya laughing hysterically at me.

So far so good.

We dived into the pool and swam like Becky Adlington for ages and after my, ooh, 3 lengths I decided I needed to recover in the sauna. Now I love saunas. I want to be reincarnated as a Scandanavian so I can legitimately have one without anyone thinking I'm flash.

It's been about 3 years since I last had a sauna, so I'd forgotten just how hot they get. On going in, I decided I'd sit up top, to get maximum benefit. I popped my bottom on the pine and felt as though I'd been branded on the a*se like cattle! It was so hot, I had stripes there for days afterwards. I had B-B-Q'ed my bottom! Stop laughing it's not funny !

After I peeled myself off and left the top layer of my skin on the pine I thought I'd cool myself down in the jacuzzi. If you can imagine Tom & Jerry when Jerry sets Tom's tail alight and he has to cool it down in a bucket of water - that was me. Sadly, however, the bubbles were going full throttle in the jacuzzi and I completely misjudged the steps into it and landed bottom first on the head of some bloke who I'd never met before.

I'm not making this up, I promise. Tanya was there, and again I managed to have her in fits of laughter as I tried to apologise to the poor man who'd seen my grilled bottom coming straight at his face at a rate of knots as I fell into the jacuzzi. It all happened in slow motion as I recall.

Anyway, I've not been back since and now I have a stalker. Not the poor man in the jacuzzi - I understand he's having post-traumatic counselling - but Tom the gym manager is after me to whip my butt into shape. He told Tanya he's going to ring me as I've not even done my gym induction...well how much training d'you need to sit on an excercise bike reading OK magazine ? So, by the time I write my next blog I'll have a proper programme.

Do you remember me telling you we're going to be like Forrest Gump in bra's without beards? Well, dear reader, I've picked up another member for our team. We've been joined by Sarah Barnes. The more astute among you will know that Sarah used to manage the Wrington PTA fun run. Well, for a bit of quid pro quo, I'm now organising the fun run and Sarah has agreed to join us in London on the 16th May 2009.

I hope you're enjoying my blog, and, as they say on the adverts, "now for the science bit." I've managed to set up a webpage for fundraising. Please could you go along and make a donation? You can give as little as £2 or as much as you like. The address is

                                    www.justgiving.com/samanthahawkins4

Next blog in January will be a little late as I'm off to Thailand to train in the sun....wish me luck!